Sunday 21 October 2012

LIFE'S HAPPY, if WIFE'S HAPPY

May be its Lady Cheryl Sarkisian or Lady Nancy Ness who quoted it, but any other women in the world will tally her approval to it and a bitter truth for all men.
"MEN ARE ALWAYS AN ITEM OF LUXURY AND ARE NEVER A NECESSITY"
I know it hurts and for all those spunks who boast their relationship status as the best, will be depressed the most, after reading the statement. Some will even curse me for my single-hood and some will totally disagree. The one who is about to get engaged with a girl will know it soon while the married ones are the experienced lots. I have no personal grudge against any committed pair, nor any person specific, but its a truth, the inevitable one. Sorry to say that but I always believed it to be true until I listened to my dad's speech in a seminar conducted by the Ministry of Railways on the theme "Role of your Wife in your Life", around first week of September 2012.
I was busy sorting a problem in one of my projects when my dad came to me and said, "I have been asked to deliver a speech in the seminar. Can you help me in that?" Speaking honestly I was amazed that Dad was asking me for a help and that too in speeches, he is an expert in that.
"Well I can but what's the topic? But why me?" I was more excited to know the reason than the topic.
"I heard that you are writing blogs, so I asked you", my dad said and I was in cloud 9. At least he paid a least heed to my work. He spared his valuable time for that. I was all ready to help him.
"Did you read them?" I was curious to know that which one was his best, but I took the first safe step.
"No, I heard it from Monu", Dad said and all my expectations went to gutter. Monu is a childhood friend of mine and his colleague's son. He never has time for these things. Anyways now my help was just a formality.
"OK! What's the topic?" I said in low tone.
"Role of Wife in employees' life and I have to focus on the drivers' life", he said. He leads a team of twenty five loco-pilots and twenty assistant loco-pilots. Loco-pilots is a technical term for 'train-drivers'.
"Dad in that case I can't help you because of two reasons. First I am neither married nor I have or had any girlfriend. Second I never think that girls are responsible for any success. You know that behind every successful man there is a woman as well as behind every unsuccessful man there is also a woman and unsuccessful men outnumbers successful ones. Moreover wives are the universal sink of happiness and money. Only one thing is in abundance: tears. By the way the words 'Happily Married' are the most contradicting word like 'Fully Empty'. So I don't ever support that fact", I quoted the dialogue from Pyaar ka Punchnama.
"That's very rude Bhanu. Woman are equally important in the country's progress. How can you leave half the population worthless", he said in annoyed tone.
"Which is the most developing country in the world, considering the past and the present state?" I asked him a simple question.
"United States", he replied within few nanoseconds of the completion of the question.
"The people of that country never elected any lady as their president. The only reason for that is that they are intelligent people and they know that they can't rely on any stupid color-conscious mind to rule the country. Take example of any lady leader in the world, they are either assassinated or dragged down from power because of certain baseless reason. They all did that because they are never best as number one post holders. They are good as number two. By the way many great personalities had said that there is a woman behind every evil-deed which ranged from Mahabharat to common family disputes", I was blowing out my frustration. I wanted to add more but I halted at a strong point.
Usually I am not an anti-woman kind of man but the current problem which I was sorting in the project was because of a girl only. Her oversensitiveness about colors in her project's layout had made me an artist who paints in hexadecimal numbers rather than color-tubes and brushes. The words were only because of her.
"You should attend the seminar and specially my speech. You must know something", Dad said and handed over a pair of passes for the event, which read 'VIP PASS'. I kept them on my table after he left my room.
The rest of the night went in weird silence as we both avoided to talk to each other after that small knick-knack. We ate our dinner in silence, as if we were mourning. Mummy was totally confused seeing this, but we can't sort the problem in front of her so we avoided the topic.
Next morning before leaving for the event, dad came to my room and said, "You should come by twelve noon". I nodded in acceptance and avoided the rest of the conversation. As per his request I reached sharp at twelve in the seminar hall where the program was scheduled. It was full house event where people came with their families except my dad. I occupied a seat just beside the exit door and this was an intentional move as the exit door would provide me an easy escape when things will get boring.
There were few classical dances and songs presented by the tiny-tots of the employees. Their tiny limb movements made the ambiance a bit interesting and the cute faces lit everybody's mood. None of them were known faces for me, but I loved it. It was followed by other cultural programs, which were neither boring nor very interesting.
At last the Divisional Railway Manager abbreviated as DRM was called for his speech. It seemed like he has mugged up his speech last night because he delivered it without any 'thinking halt'. He quoted many personalities, most of them were unknown to me. The audience was paying him attention just because he holds the supreme power in a division, else then nobody was interested in his bookish jabbing. He was followed by several Sectional Engineers from different departments. The language bound was not led off, thus the speeches were delivered in all three of them, i.e. English, Hindi and Bengali. But all seemed like they have committed it in mind and are vomiting on the podium. The claps and the applauds dropped exponentially as the time passed. Everyone said about how their wives are responsible to bring up their home while they are out for work. How a wife waits for her husband for having lunch or dinner together. They do several religious fasts for the longevity of their husbands' life. I think they all consulted the same Wife's manual for the event.
Then came Dad's turn. I was too bored from all those speech-cum-lectures and honestly speaking I was expecting the same from him also. He went to the podium and unlike others he didn't wished any of those officers there but to the wives of the employees with folded hands and saying, "My heartiest welcome and gratitude to all the Wives of the Loco-Pilots. I am thankful that you all spared your valuable time to attend the event. Aap aaee, bahaar aaya". This was followed by a loud applaud from the audience and especially from the section where the feminine species had occupied their seats. BJP had once offered him their candidature in his college election but he denied and now I understand why they offered him.
"I know that you all had lot of dreams before marrying your fellow husbands. One of them must be spending quality time with them. For you the definition of husband before marriage , must be some what like this. You will wake up your husband early in the morning for office. Both of you would have a splendid breakfast before he leaves for work. You would pack him some marvelous lunch which he would love to eat during his office break. In the evening when he returns back, you would serve him with some fabulous dinner. After that you would have some quality time together before a sound sleep. ", this was a plot from any Indian film where we find a husband and a wife living happily, but Dad quoted it, which was followed by a shriek of snigger among the audience and specially the newly married women.
"But these are yet dreams because you married a loco-pilot. Very Unfortunate. Actually I want to make one thing clear that inside a loco-pilot there resides five animals. They don't have any fixed office time and mostly they have to work in nights like an owl. After the work they come back home at some unusual time and sleeps like buffalos. Morning is not the time they wake up, its when their eight hours rest is over. When they wake up the frustration of their work is tunneled on the food and family members, making them a barking dog. They have hardly eighteen hours of time in their home after which they can be called for work anytime, thus they are always alert like any grazing deer. Uncertainty Rules. Once called for duty, they have to report within two hours. In this two hours they have to eat, get freshen and trot to office like horse", he narrated the reality. It was acknowledged by audience with loud claps and guffaws. Yes it's true, a loco-pilot has a similar life. Dad has served the Railways for twenty years as loco-pilot and it was worse in the initial ten years when his work was in goods trains. Those five animals owl, buffalo, dog, deer and horse were also present in him.
He continued, "I was no exception. I was rather the extreme form of these animals. You can ask my wife. It is really tough to handle five animals at the same time. I feel that only an Indian wife can tolerate us because in America, one gets divorced for snoring. It is you who make us human. I want to focus the wife's role in that. They scarifies their sleep when you reach back home or before you leave for work, to prepare healthy food for you. They are also a mother who send her child to school early morning, everyday without failing. They also do the marketing and other household chores on daily basis. They take care of the fact that you are not disturbed when you are in Z mode. They also look after the studies and the homework of their children in the evening. After all these they happily tolerate your barking for silly reasons without complaining. They don't experience any quality time with you but still they work hard to make you happy". The words were equally true and it was all that mummy experienced for all these days. I hardly saw her sleeping. A collective sigh ran in the audience and it was like Cupid's arrow in the hearts of all the loco-pilots present there. The speech triggered awesome smiles in their wives' face. A lady beside me even jolted her husband telling, "Listen! He is telling the truth but you will never understand". Her husband cuddled her in response, the dark auditorium has its own advantages. This 'you will never understand' is a very common term for any married woman. Anyways I resumed back to the affective speech to avoid the scene.
"But there is certain thing that the wives should also keep in mind. Your husband is not doing any normal job. He operates a vehicle weighing seven thousand tons, on just two parallel tracks. There is no facility for them to sit and drive, they keep standing throughout the run. The one in passenger trains and express trains are responsible for about two thousand lives, which in-fact means two-thousand families. Even a single mistake can take the lives of hundreds. A single yawn or drip of eye is like playing with live bomb. If the Railways makes an extra-ordinary profit, then the credit is distributed among all but if an accident happens the driver is the one, who is first responsible. But in actual case drivers should be given their credit for the profit. Even when a train is delayed, the passengers curse the driver first but nobody appreciates them when the train is on-time. When a bus collides with train in any UN-manned crossing, the people find the train-driver responsible. When the train derails, the driver is responsible. You should be a proud wife that your husband work with such a responsibility, without any proper appriciation that they deserve ", this time his voice was more firm and determined than the last one. His words widen the chest of the loco-pilots while gave a guilt trip to many officers. There was a pin drop silence. Even the couple beside me were silent.
He continued,"Some of the wives complain about their husband that they spend more time with their friends and not with them. To all those wives, I would suggest that provide him with the peace that he needs and your complain will vanish. Now for all the loco-pilots here, you can't do anything with your daily schedule. It's your work and you have to do it. In case you can cooperate with your wife to make your life happy and your home a better place to live in. If you take a few step to help your wife, she will run for you. She is also a human and she also needs some refreshment. Take her to a tour in your next holiday and you will find the change for sure. Avoid taking her for granted. Appreciate her works. At least watch her favorite TV channel with her when you are at home. Ask her about the last episodes and she will be excited to interact with you. Sometimes make her some dishes irrespective of your cooking skills, she would love to eat. Take some time off from your work to call her and inform her about your arrival before-hand. You are a wandering bird so bring some surprise gifts for her, from far off places that you visit. Won't you love to see her smiling face when you return. Won't you love to be the one responsible for her gleeful hours. Won't you love to have a wife who cherishes your presence than your absences. Won't it be great that your wife boast about you rather than grumbling about you. These are not dream but it's a result that you can get. You have to do just your part of work and leave the rest for her. LIFE'S HAPPY, if WIFE'S HAPPY. I hope you all find my point valid to implement in your life. Thus I end my speech with a hopeful node. Thank you", he concluded and the audience burst into applauds. I was stun with the standing ovation from the DRM which was followed by all others in the auditorium. The rest of the event was meaningless for me and many others. After the event, during the lunch, I thought to talk to him but he was surrounded by many. The speech had made him a small celebrity there. I pierced the crowd around him and went to him. He smiled as he saw me struggling in the crowd. I went to him and said, "Awesome Dad and thank you".
He smiled and said, "That was my pleasure". He introduced me to his seniors and bosses. The party was over but it was an enlightenment for many including me. Hats off! DAD.

Sunday 7 October 2012

The Name Shakes!!

Uncle Shakespeare had once quoted in his famous romantic work "Romeo and Juliet", the very name that every next person cites to their love-story:
"What's in a name?that which we call a rose;By any other name would smell as sweet"- says Juliet to Romeo
Uncleji with due respect to your tedious works and the fantabulous comment that you made Madame Juliet to convey to piteous Monsieur Romeo, I just want to ask that you never referred what to do with the names that means something weird in some other language and the difference of slight change in the phoneme can change the whole meaning. Anyways Uncleji sometimes the name can shake your mind also.
Mr. B. Singh is one of the schoolmates of my dad. He was an extra-ordinary student with gentle behavior, loads of intelligence, phenomenal hand-writing, unobtainable grades, countless achievements and vast out-of-the-book knowledge. He was equally lucky too, to be born with silver spoon in his mouth. His ancestral property was so huge that it can feed his next eleven generations without letting anyone to work for a single day. His ancestral farmland added more dividends to it every season. There are legends about his family in the area that a troop of elephants used to serve them as their royal carriers. Despite of having all this modes of happiness, Mr. B. Singh was still not happy and do you know what was his reason of sorrow. It was his NAME.
He weighed four kilograms when he was born and because of his heavy weight his grandfather decided to felicitate him with a name that can make you feel the weight by mere listening to it. Many nominations were placed but all were rejected for some or the other reason. His uncle suggested "HANUMAN SINGH" but his grandfather readily declined that because it sounded like you are calling two animals at a time. 'Hanuman' was although a Hindu God but the term was used in Hindi for stating a monkey while 'SINGH' was although their family-name but in Hindi it meant lion. So after a prolonged debate between the family members and several Yes-No's, the Singh family finally named their prince as "BALRAM SINGH", naming him after a Hindu God Lord Balarama who is considered to be the elder brother of Lord Krishna and the teacher of the art of fighting with mace of some great muscular personalities like Bhima and Duryodhana, as per the Hindu Mythology.
Everything went quite happily but the twist came when Mr. B. Singh was studying in eighth standard. His class-teacher as well as his teacher in English was Mr. Bipin Sengupta who was a Bengali. His English had the perfect smell of Maccher-Jhol in it i.e. his well-furnished English had a strong Bengali accent. On the first day while taking attendance he spoke in fragmented speech "Bal... Ram... Singh". Well there was a huge population of Bengali knowing student in the class and from that day everyone started teasing him with that. "Bal" is a slang in Bengali. Mr. Sengupta considering the seriousness of the matter with his student decided to give a visit to Balram's home. He explained Balram's father the vulnerability of his name and the potential disaster he can face if anyhow he shifts to the neighbouring state West Bengal. He requested them to change the name with immediate effect otherwise once registered in the board exams it will be a mess. So, on Mr. Sengupta's request "BALRAM" became "BOLRAM".
His misfortune did left him with the previous name. Three months later Mr. Sengupta was transferred to an unpronounceable place of Andhra Pradesh and another teacher Mr. S. Bhalla replaced him, who was brought up in Punjab. While announcing the names of the students in a debate competition he spoke up "Bol.. Ram... Singh". Now the Hindi word "Bol" means 'to speak', thus after such an addressing of the name, poor B.Singh's name was further modified as "Boloram Singh" by his friends. The complain went to his father via the principal who received the complain from Mr. Bhalla. On the direction of the principal, Balram's name was re-registered as "BALLRAM". Now nobody made any mistake with the pronunciation.
But another time life exhibited him the deprivation with his name. The admit card of Matriculation Exam arrived and there was a minute mistake on the parameter of spell check but a disaster for him. The first 'L' was replaced by an 'I' and making it "BAILRAM". The class teacher while distributing the cards sounded "Baill-Ram". 'Baill' is a Hindi term for BULL. The announcement was enough to trigger wild guffaw in the class and re-modification of his name among friends. Life seemed to be full of surprises but for Balram it was full of shocks.
Balram Singh personally went to the head office for the correction but the explanation what he got was again a potential threat with the name. A person with gray hairs and a carrom board striker sized spectacles on his eyes explained, "Son, we usually don't do such mistakes. The only reason for the mistake would the base of the first 'L' of your name may be shorter in length compared to the second one. Thus it seemed to be an 'I'. Son, we usually don't give such suggestions but I am giving you a suggestion on virtuous basis that change the spelling of your name to BALRAM. It will be better".
Balram didn't follow his suggestion but rather became tense with the mistake that may have occurred in the form. If it occurs again then he will be in serious trouble.
The mistake happened again, he was the gold medalist in Physics Honors. On the convocation day, the university had arranged a world class presentation ceremony and lot of eminent personality were invited. The anchor announced his name as "BALL... RAM... Singh" sounding of some kind of cricket ball. After the announcement, the audience burst to laughter instead of applause and claps. He felt insulted and this time he decided to change his name to "BALARAMA", referring to the English version of Bhagwat Geeta. The best thing he did this time was that he did affidavit from the court.
So, this time it was a legal affair.
Things didn't changed after that too. After serving the Indian Government at different posts and marrying one of his boss's daughter, he felt severe home-sick. He returned to his native place and started his new business. He opened a mid-scale industry that made cutlery of China-clay and a glass. These cutlery have a great demand overseas and especially in countries like Singapore, Australia and New Zealand. Once he went to Singapore to get his biggest business contract ever. But the people there with their Chinese accent called him with some weird combination of the letters in his name. They crumbled, twisted and modified his name in all possible ways. Life became hard for him, because he started hating the thing that people love the most, their own name.
After returning from his tour he was so perplexed that he went to Rishikesh to get some peace for his mind. He was walking uphill along the river Ganga with baffled mind, foiled in some uneasy thought. He had lost interest in living with his name and he wanted to start a fresh life in some unknown place with a new name. His legs were moving but they didn't knew the destination. The heavenly environment didn't made any difference in him.
An hour walk took him to a small ashram. He felt attracted to it. It had a divine environment with plenty of statues of Hindu god and goddess and a large meditation hall. He stepped in, but something prevented him to enter into that meditation hall. It was a large statue on the right side of that hall. It was the statue of Lord Balarama with a large plough and a mace in his hands while his name was written below it. On looking at the name plate, he jumped in rejoice as if he got his greatest wealth of life. He got so indulge in his jumping and pooping that he didn't noticed that people around him were disturbed. His laughter was like a nuclear bomb in the silent environment of the asram. Two guards came running and without even warning him, they dragged him and threw him out of the ashram. He didn't felt bad because he had got something more special to be happy.
Well, can you guess what he noticed that made him so happy. The name plate had something engraved like this:
"LORD BALRAM; also known as BALBHADRA and HALDHAR"
Yes, exactly the thing you are thinking happened. Another court affidavit was made to change his name. Currently Mr. B. Singh is known as Mr. HALDHAR SINGH, keeping the meaning intact.
So, my dear readers please keep one thing in mind that for the next time if you get a chance to name a newly born baby, then please do him or her a small favour by naming the baby with some spelling and pronunciation robust name and that doesn't pushes him or her into such trouble because some times THE NAME SHAKES the person very badly.